This is taking way more courage that I wish it did. ,,, I’m in process.
I never had much regard for those that locked themselves in a fortress of their own fake world, refusing to face reality. but ah… Didn’t someone say the things you see in other people are the things that bug you most about yourself?
When there’s nothing left in that pot except reality, the fantasy, the pretending, the wishful thinking have boiled away, I feel like going to hospice is giving my consent to die.
This is taking way more courage that I wish it did. Its a decision I make alone. I’m in process.
I would try to boss my mom around, commenting on how she ran the household, and she would say to me, “When you are a mother and have children of your own, you can do it any way you want,” and so from that time on, I began to plan what kind of mother I would be. I was 4 years old.
When that time came and the sonogram person said “It’s a girl,” I wanted a girl so badly I was afraid to believe it and didn’t want to face the disappointment in case she was wrong, but she wasn’t.
I am proud and humbled by how a tiny person could grow up and take the best of me and keep on going, growing into a person who has held onto her childhood joy, courage to weather the rightness of her heart, and a forgiving kindness that never stops. Oh and did I say hardworking, disciplined and a dedication to her business vision? And more.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the bright star, the delight, and the rain of blessings that came when you brought me my daughter, Brittany Carlson.