I’ve always wanted to do that.

Lent begins March 1st.  It was not observed by my family, but it was a tradition of my ancestors to chose something that would align ones awareness to the 40 days of fasting that Jesus did just before beginning his mission to the world.

It is observed until Easter. The choice is individual, it can be something you don’t do, like abstain from something like a certain food, or something you do, like a helpful deed committed to for that period of time.  I’ve always wanted to do it.

I’ll be observing lent this year.

Anne Carlson

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Spooked

I spooked myself in the mirror this morning.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought,

but it was still weird.

Anne Carlson

What didn’t happen

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I didn’t fall, didn’t break anything, didn’t forget anything important, didn’t spill anything, didn’t drop much, didn’t embarrass myself, didn’t offend anyone, and didn’t eat anything toxic.

We did have peace in the home.  I did have conversations with family across the country and I did get to tell them I loved them.

It was a good day.

Anne Carlson

Getting Clean

Peering over the edge of the tub, there was a decision to make.  Would I be cleaner or dirtier after taking a bath in that tub?  I had swished the sink, even tackled the toilet on a good day.  But with brittle bones and 9 cracked ribs, the best I could do for the tub, was spray and turn on the shower.

Days have gone by. Too many.  I’m not tellin’ how many, but I needed to either get back in that dirty tub or find the courage to ask someone to clean it for me.

It is a strange thing laying in bed, too weak to hold a cell phone for very long and hearing someone else scrub your tub.

Thank you, my dear neighbor, Linda

Anne Carlson

Bald

I’m hairless as a bald eagle.

My daughter’s friend, invited us to her barber shop after hours. It was another one of those guided angel moments.  I wouldn’t have thought of a barber, but hair stylists don’t shave heads, barbers do. Who would have thought?

I wasn’t going to look, I planned to just do it, put on the wig and then open my eyes. The process was gentle, kind, sweet and soul-warming. I was okay.  I opened my eyes, and there I was, looking like an alien in a star trek movie.

It was pretty much what I expected, weird, odd, peculiar, but not traumatic. I feel like I’m in school wearing clothes my mother picked out for me. It doesn’t hurt, its just an out-of-place feeling.

I’ll get used to it.

Anne Carlson.

The Hat Fairies

There are fairy baskets in the waiting rooms  of cancer clinics.  Fairies come along and deposit carefully  handmade hats into these baskets.  The table where the basket sits is the warmest place in the room.  That is because it radiates the loving kindness of the hat fairies.

Mysteriously, the rays of kindness do not go away when the hat is worn.  When you put on one of these hats, the loving kindness pours down from the hat and wraps around you.  It lasts all day.

Thank you hat fairies.

Sincerely,

Anne Carlson

Reflecting

 

Day after 2nd round of chemo.  Wrapped in blankets living in a cocoon.  The day’s objective is to keep the chills away.

When I look back on my life, what would give me the sense of “job well done.”

Where would the regrets be?

Reflecting on restructuring life patterns.

Anne Carlson

Beyond Compassion

Divine Feminine, a worn out and an overused term. Until today, I have chosen not to use it.

My daughter, Brittany and I picked out a nice wig at the cancer center after chemo today. It was a little itchy.

I’m convinced that being in public with a scratchy wig is somewhere between being stuck all day with ill-fitting underpants and new high heels a size too small.

After being treated to lunch, we were off  to the wig store for a liner cap to protect my tender scalp.

We were alone in the little shop with 3 women employees.  “Could you give me a wig 101 course?”  I asked.  “Today is my first day.”  I felt like a 6 year old on the first day of school. She invited me to sit down in the black swivel chair.  I slid off my teal-blue crochet hat to reveal my patchy, rapidly balding head.

No one laughed, no one gasped and no one stared.  We just kept talking about something that is deeply personal to every woman; our hair. With Brittany’s help, one of the women  put the liner cap on me and taught me how to make adjustments. Brittany showed her a picture from the recent photo so she could style the wig to look natural.

There was something far beyond compassion in that shoppe today.  Honor, respect and dignity was given to a very vulnerable woman. It was divinely feminine.

“No charge,” she said, “It’s a gift.”

Anne Carlson

Stress deconstruction

Learning from Chris Wark today about stress.

He explained that the chemistry of stress is very powerful.

Unresolved, stress will intercept the benefit of  nutrition, medicine and healing arts.

Trash accumulates,.

In your house, you have to take out the trash at least once a week or it causes problems.

Harboring grudges, resentment, guilt, unforgiveness towards others accumulates as trash.

When we have offended others,

it accumulates as trash.

The trash has to go.

Grudges, resentment:

Someone wasn’t nice to me:

Forgive.

Guilt, shame:

Perhaps at times we have been not nice to others;

Take courage to ask for forgiveness of those we have offended,  to say, “I’m sorry.”

Some people are just not nice,

don’t expect everyone to be nice, they aren’t.

I like how he explained that.  It is part of his seminar on healing.

http://bit.ly/2l2Uc8r

Anne Carlson

Time Travel

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In my fanship with Star Trek and Starwars I spent many daydream hours wondering what it would be like to time travel.  Where would I go?  Back in time, I would want to be in the crowd laying palms down as Jesus rode by on the donkey, and I would like to be on the hill not far from Mary on that day he died.

Forward?  How far ahead.  I have entertained myself imagining what it would be like in 20 years, 100 years 1000 years.

Tomorrow I get to travel forward in time for real.  I’m going to introduce myself to my future grandchildren. I will be making a video tape. There is a family LDS history center that offers a video room and will store it, so I don’t have to worry about it getting lost.

I’m surprised at myself, I’m so excited about it, and having so much fun in my thoughts about this.  There are so many places to think about.

If I have gone to Heaven, then the video will be the only way the children will know me, however I will have met them in many ways.  I will be very aware them, and will very likely be there when they watch my video.  So I will one day be watching the video I make tomorrow as my heavenly self.

One way or another I would have met them before the video.  If I am here when they are born, that’s one way.  If I am in Heaven, then we would have met there.  I’m putting in my request now that if I am in Heaven then, that I be part of the angelic escort in bringing my grandchildren here from Heaven.

What a cool thought.

Anne Carlson

P.S.  The Center was closed today, so have to reschedule my time travel video.