It’s not my fault I don’t always remember your name, though we’ve been friends for years.
It’s not my fault I sometimes do things that appear foolish.
It’s not my fault I forget plans we talked about yesterday.
It’s not my fault
but it sure feels like it sometimes.
That’s the chemo brain shame.
Change the past by changing today,
today is history.
Where I am, requires more of me than where I’ve been.
Where I’ve been, gives me what I need for where I am going.
Cancer is doing what cancer does, untimely and unpredictable.
Standing outside of life looking in; a nameless vacancy craves to be comforted.
Depression slips in through the back door.
Sometimes when I get bad news, I want to keep it to myself and pretend it never happened.
Just for a while.
Moving was like having an enema in public. All my krap expelled onto my driveway, displayed for random scrutiny.
Uncomfortable, but necessary.
Learning to inhale the beautiful so deeply it becomes part of my human substance.