Nameless Vacancy

craving heart

Cancer is doing what cancer does, untimely and unpredictable.

Standing outside of life looking in;  a nameless vacancy craves to be comforted.

Depression slips in through the back door.

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Regret

rear-view-mirror-835085_960_720 The screech of resisting tire tread bounced across the asphalt. From the end of my driveway, I could see a car remained in the road a few feet away from the intersection.

No obvious mechanism of injury, no second car, no visible damage. Must not be any big deal.  I returned to watering my sunflowers.

A few minutes later, sirens, flashing lights and the little white car was  pulsing with activity.  It wouldn’t have taken much for me to walk up the street with my phone and offer what I could.  Its in my nature, I’m a retired paramedic.

It bothers me that I didn’t.

That Cold Feeling of Fear

The choice is, be consumed as prey, hunted by your own thoughts or take control

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Watching the lab results, resisting that cold feeling of fear and panic building momentum like gears one upon the other.

The choice is –  to be hunted by your own thoughts and consumed as prey, or take control.

Just tell me where the on switch is.

– Anne Carlson –