She Knows

to give the gift of saying thank you

We lost our Aunt Kay this month.

She reached out to me at age 13, when my mother died and gave me quality time. We would often talk about what it takes to be in charge of your own life. When I got sick, Aunt Kay spent several summers giving my daughter Brittany, what I could not and I am sure they had many similar conversations.

During a recent trip back home, we all spent an afternoon together and  I was able to explain to her how her gift of time and love had become a part of who I am. Even though I am saddened and will dearly miss her, I am not agonized by the pain of unsaid words. My heart is peaceful knowing that she knows.

Aunt Kaye IMG950151_1_1_1

Is there ever a right time?

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A native friend of mine, years ago, stepped into the house and said, ” Today is a good day to die.”  I had never heard this common expression spoken among native warriors before.

Reflecting on the death of a friend whose body had worn down, dare I ask, is there ever a good day to leave?   Why not?  Does it have to be awful always? Can I resist the dark cloud of depression and let you go in love and respect. Can that be okay?

Can there ever be a day that is  the right time?

I wonder.

– Anne Carlson –

 

 

 

Maybe I am , Maybe I’m Not

A friend of mine died today.

railroad-1701738_960_720A friend of mine died today.  I’m okay.  Maybe I’m not okay.

I’d like to be alone. Now maybe I’d like some company. Maybe not a lot of company just a little. I don’t know how little.

Maybe I should call someone. No I can’t handle talking about that now. I can’t believe you said that. I can’t believe I said that. Maybe I should get off the phone.

Maybe I should wander through a store, in search for that perfect item to get my mind off things.  I can’t handle being around happy people, don’t they know someone just died today?  I better go home.

Thank you for saying you’re there for me.  Can you just figure out what I need and bring it over?

A friend of mine died today.

–  Anne Carlson  –

NOT AS AWKWARD AS YOU THINK

Even though I have terminal cancer, its okay to tell me that someone we know died.

teddy-1361397_960_720I’ve noticed a pattern.  When someone dies particularly of cancer, people hesitate to tell me.  Having a terminal diagnosis is something I live with. I’m done being uncomfortable with it.  So it’s okay to tell me that someone we know died.

Its an inevitable thing

for all of us.

-Anne Carlson-

 

 

Easter Light

Mary Magdaline “they came unto the sepulchre…”

Easter Light
photo by Eric Picket

My son shot this photo inside the cave where we are going to be filming a short piece called Mary Magdaline’s Message.

Luke 24:1-6

1Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them. 2And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre. 3And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus. 4And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments: 5And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead? 6He is not here, but is risen...

-Anne Carlson-