What?

As I walked to my car yesterday I was cheered by a beautiful language I recognized but did not understand. On a tiny island in a sea of asphalt was a tree hosting a very persistent black bird.

I set my bag down, pausing to enjoy at least 25 different phrases in all variations calling out in a fast-paced spectrum of emotions. We had a little dialogue as he would answer back my attempts at mimicking his sounds.

Does he sing to you like that all day?  I asked the man working under the shade of the tree.  “What?” he said as he pulled his headset from his ears.

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Nameless Vacancy

craving heart

Cancer is doing what cancer does, untimely and unpredictable.

Standing outside of life looking in;  a nameless vacancy craves to be comforted.

Depression slips in through the back door.

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Holiday Survivor, the Mourning After

the thanksgiving dinner that never happened

turkey-1299176_1280“Everything’s taken care of.”  I told my daughter.  The turkey was in the roaster and the frig bulged with fixings. Since my boys were home, they could help me finish the home stretch. 

This time, however, thanksgiving dinner never happened.  How foolish of me to depend on them. Couch comforts and the spell of the electronic device proved too intoxicating, so the vision of a traditional holiday remains a fantasy.  When will I learn that any need of mine is no match for autism indifference?

Saturated in the doom of matriarchal failure I apologized to my daughter and guest. “I don’t like turkey anyway,” consoled Brittany.  “How about next year we just do pies?”

Perspective is Relative

Big and little

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Looking at the stars, thinking of the worlds out there, the universes, feeling very small,

But to me, my world is big.

Then there’s this little bug, his world is little.

But to him, his world is big.

But then there’s this universe…

–  Anne Carlson  –

Public Selfie

Feeling self-conscious taking a selfie … why should I really care what people think.

AC April 24, 2018Feeling self-conscious taking a selfie in a public place. The major problem is, for me, its not just snap-snap and we’re done with it.

You see, I have to take a whole bunch of selfies to get even a somewhat good one.  Maybe I can fake it so nobody will know what I’m doing.

Soooo I always hold my phone up to the sun and smile into it while “checking my messages.”

I don’t think this is working.  “Hey look at that ol’ lady taking a 100 selfies.  She must be really full of herself.”  I just know that’s what everyone is thinking.

Why should I really care what people think. All these strangers will go their merry way and never give me a second thought. I’m feeling good, its a beautiful day, and I would like a selfie. If I get a reasonable one I’ll post it, otherwise you’ll know I didn’t.

No big deal, right?

Somehow it seems important to me at this moment what people think. Could all this adolescent mental drama have something to do with the fact that sitting about 30 feet from me is a really handsome guy right about my age range?

Pardon me, I’m a little distracted.

-Anne Carlson-